How to Stop Obsessing Over Them (And Reclaim Your Power)

There’s a kind of love that doesn’t feel like love at all. It feels like obsession. Like every chance you get you’re thinking about this person and the dream life you could create together. To be honest, this isn’t normal! And it’s a huge energy-drain.

That’s not romance. That’s limerence. Limerence will grip you like a spell. It’s where you feel emotionally dependent on how one person sees you and treats you (or doesn’t). You start daydreaming, and before you know it, you’ve spent half of your day focusing on things that haven’t happened or that will never happen!

Your energy should be going towards becoming your highest self, not waiting for your knight in shining armor (especially if he doesn’t even exist).

Limerence thrives when your life feels empty without someone in it. However the antidote is, and always has been, at your fingertips. It’s about coming home to yourself. Let’s get into exactly how to do that.

Move Your Body, Reclaim Your Power.

One of the quickest ways to shift obsessive energy is to get into your body. Whether it’s a walk, weightlifting, or dancing in your room with led lights to set the mood, moving your body will help to take your attention off of this person and on to yourself.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m on a really intense hike or 15 minutes into a relaxing yoga practice, it’s hard for me to think about whether or not a man has bought me flowers.

Your nervous system needs outlets that aren’t about your relationship. Take the next month or two to try one new thing a week to see what really peaks your interest. Then practice that hobby in your idle time instead of day dreaming!

Movement breaks the spell. Movement reminds you that you exist outside of being desired. Let your body become a place where your power lives again, not a vessel waiting for validation.

Go Explore On Your Own (I know, scary)

It’s easy to build your world around someone, especially when you’re falling for them. But limerence feeds on that imbalance! The only time you’re experiencing the world is with this other person and your sense of adventure becomes tied to their presence.

So go out. Alone.

Try the new coffee shop. Go to the Saturday farmer’s market and just walk around. Plan the solo road trip. Sit by the ocean. Take a walk somewhere new.

When you explore alone, you build proof that your life is just as rich — if not richer — when you’re not waiting on someone to make it worth living.

And when you do that enough, you stop craving someone else's world so badly. You’ve built your own that your excited to live in and build up on every single day!

You don’t need to wait for someone to start being in love with life because it is always happening around you and it is so beautiful!

Create a Sisterhood

And yes, I mean you might have to start from scratch. If you don’t already have friends around you to support you or share your deepest thoughts, you’re not alone!

Just because you are in a season in life where you don’t have friends, this doesn’t mean that you never will, but keep in mind that this is they key to having a happy and fulfilled life outside of your obsession over a significant other.

“But where do I start? I’m so afraid to talk to new people!” Well when it comes to forming a sisterhood, this doesn’t always mean you need to be friends immediately with someone you compliment in a coffee shop.

This could look like joining an all- women's yoga class or going to a support group for women. You could even join a discord or online community for friends with similar interests. You can still get the benefits of being around supportive people even if you don’t have friends yet.

When you feel pulled into limerence, chances are your emotional cup is running low in other areas. You’re seeking intensity from one source because the rest of your world feels quiet including in your social life.

I know it can be tempting to believe that a romantic partner will solve all of your problems, but it won’t. And I’m speaking from experience. What you need is a supportive sisterhood, not just a romantic high.

Reach out to that friend you keep meaning to talk to and invite her to a picnic. Find or start a hiking group. Talk to someone who you know helps you remember who you are. The more grounded you feel in your friendships, the less pressure you put on your romantic connection to be everything all at once.

And if making new friends seems so out of your comfort zone, focusing on complimenting one new person a day. Over time, you’ll feel more confident and maybe graduate to a conversation, and so on.

Final Thoughts

Limerence can feel intoxicating at first, but it seriously robs you of your presence, your peace, and your power.

You deserve a love that feels safe and not like a guessing game anyway and enhances your life not becomes your whole life.

So if you’ve been wrapped up in someone lately, take this as your invitation to come back home to yourself. The more grounded you are in your own life, the less likely you’ll be to chase the kind of love that burns fast and leaves you feeling empty.

You are not here to beg for breadcrumbs!
You are here to build a life so full, so joyful, so radiant that anyone who steps in feels lucky just to witness it.

I hope this helps, friend! Comment dow below what you do to create a fulfilling life or just let me know what you think! See you in the next one.